I carefully reviewed and focus tested it with some of the top military strategist of DailyKos and HuffingtonPost. As an alternative, they suggested sending a special force of 200 diversity-trained surrender consultants. After several months of careful deliberation, polling, and strategic golfing, I told the General I would provide him a force of 30,000, which is fully 75% of a 110% commitment.
Now let's think about that. When you multiply it out, that's... let's see... that's almost an 83% total commitment to mission success! And son, back at Harvard Law that's what we called a "solid B." Not only that, I also pledged to provide you with all the healthy snacks and juice boxes you will need until the designated 5:30 pickup time. As an extra bonus to help you out, I secured a commitment of 10,000 additional special troops from our European allies. In fact, I think I see one of them in the back seat -- there in the blue bicycle helmet. What's your name son?
Pierre? That's... okay... okay, Pierre, please stop crying. Yes, I promised Mr. Sarkozy you'll be home soon.
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