Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"It's good that Muffy knows

that I shouldn't be allowed in places like Whole Foods. The fact of the matter is, on the few trips I've actually made there, I'm cranky before I even get in the place. That's because the parking lot is normally full of Prius hybrid shitmobiles and Lexus hybrid SUVs. The stench of middle class smug hits you the moment you open the door to your car.

Once you get inside, it only gets worse. All the staff is fashionably counter-culture in appearance. There's some variety of zen-like, multicultural music playing that features Chilean mountain flutes or some such nonsense. There are boxes of children's's cereal with names like Panda Flakes that claim to be eco-friendly (how can a fucking corn flake be eco-anything?). A half-hour in that sort of environment, and I'm looking for a baby seal to club.

However, the store and the staff and the merchandise isn't the worst of it. Not by a long shot. It's the clientele. Jesus, what a fucking crew. Upper-middle class eco-fakes. Seriously coiffed corporate lawyers who wear pre-faded jeans and designer sandals to shop for overpriced eco-friendly food while a gaggle of Mexicans cuts his lawn for him. Junior League bimbos in fashionable exercise attire. A half-hour around these folks, and I'm saying "Fuck the baby seals, I'm gonna bag me a Yuppie!"

I've got to get by Dennis the Peasant more often


jed said...

Well, they're better than sunflower market.

I generally don't shop there, but they're the only store I know of in my neck of the woods where I can find 1) Scharfenberger chocolate bars, and 2) Marmite.

My friends who do shop there call them "Whole Paycheck", in reference to their prices.

Anonymous said...

In their defense, they have the best selection of microbrewery beers and Ales I have found. Their cheese and wine selection is equally good. One need not be a liberal yuppie lawyer to enjoy good brews, wine and cheese. Actually I think it best to be thinking of my next trip to the range while having a good beer or wine or some decent cheese.
As far as the rest of the place, I vote with my $ and don't buy any.
By the way are you aware that their CEO came out strongly against Obies "public option health plan" and the libs are foaming at the mouth about it and talking about boycotting the store?
Whooee, I love it when the libs are foaming at the mouth about others good sense.


Anonymous said...

The eco-fakes, Lexus hybrid freaks can go to hell for all I care. But I cannot get down with clubbing seals. I just can't do it. It's disgusting. But that's just me.

Firehand said...

I can't speak of them, they don't have a store in OKC. Daughter has been to one on a trip, and she loved the selection.