When she wound up in the hospital this time she'd been going downhill some. And they found a couple of problems she'd not said anything about that had gotten bad, and she hit the point she said she was done, no more procedures and such; it was time.
This is the first time I've sat in a hospice, waiting for the end. It was a nice place staffed with good people, and that helped.
No matter how easy they work to make things, it leaves a big hole, and it's going to take a while to climb out of it.
12 comments:
We lost my mom last November and we're watching my MIL going downhill. It's hard to wish them stay as long as possible, while praying that they no longer have to suffer.
Tip to old folks thinking about elective surgeries: don't. It's the anesthesia that steals old peoples' minds. We watched it happen.
I've done hospice three times and a hospital death once. I'll take hospice (especially home hospice) every time. At least with home hospice (all I've done) you need to have a certain amount of knowledge going in, because when things go wrong you don't even necessarily know until it is over.
The main thing is to change your mindset, which I think you did. Don't try to make the time "count," just make the time. And at home, give them the meds that the doctors told you to. There's no more reason for pain, and there is no such thing as an overdose in hospice.
Just like with your Dad, it doesn't get easier, but you get used to it. The brutal math of things is that there were so many boomers and so few Gen X that we are going to get really practiced at this sort of thing.
God Bless.
It was good that you stayed with her when she passed on, and I'm sure she took comfort with that as well.
-lg
Family is a big part of our lives. We love them and miss them when they're gone. I feel for you.
Losing your mom is a severe milestone in life. You have my sincere condolences, Firehand.
In the exact same situation, my mom has only days, surrounded by family, but still a hard place to be.
Much love to you brother.
I'm with you brother, sad times for all of us.
God bless you. It ain't easy.
Put my mom in hospice 2 weeks ago. Dad has been gone for 3 years. I just do the best I can. So sorry for you loss.
The home hospice nurse told mom that dad is hanging on: he has something to say to someone. Mom knew just who it was.
Of all us kids, dad was worse on me. Maybe he had grand plans for me, but I had failed him. There certainly was evidence for that. But whatever the reason, they all said that he took it worse on me.
So after two previous false starts (if you want to see your dad, you better come now), this time was for real. Each time I had come, this time I would again come.
One week later to the day and the hour, he and I spoke eye to eye, shaking hands man to man, father to son. "(my name) I love you."
His last words on this mortal coil. He had not once before said that to me. He said my name so there is no dispute who he meant.
He was a great man. The kind you say he is a man among men. Borne to a hard life, improvised and over came, taken part in truly horrible wars, a real blankety blank so and so. I miss him dearly.
We are promised a life of suffering. Yours may not get better, but it will change. It is to each of us if we will grow stronger for it - greater love, greater empathy and insight, vast wisedom - or would we wilt and perish.
My mother is close to her last day. There are signs increasingly dis do uh ... uncomfortable. Fortunately my siblings have naturally fallen into tacit agreemeent that we will rotate in caring for this sweet loving lady.
But it is worth it. One day in the future, whether soon or later, you will come to know the true blessing that you were able to provide for the one who had given you so much of themselves.
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