"Why are you carrying a gun?"

Brought to my attention by Mr. Henick:
So I took my nephew's to Best Buy today to look at the new games for their Xbox One. I'm standing there watching them playing some game, I think it was Titanfall or something like that. There were a few other kids and parents around watching. All of a sudden this lady appears, she looks like the manager or assistant manager, and she asks me the above question. I think for a couple of seconds, and then point to my nephew's and told her my nephew's are afraid of alien abduction. She choked on her own saliva, laughed, shook her head, and got a big smile, and then she said "Have a nice day sir." I said "You too, and watch out for those aliens I hear their everywhere." She laughed again, and walked off.

So a couple of weeks ago my wife and I were eating at Chipolte's, Saturday night date night, my wife's choice, and the assistant manager is cleaning off the table next to ours and she asks me the above question. My wife looks at me and shakes her head, body language for "don't say it". I of course smirk, and then say with a straight face , "My doctor prescribed it. You see I get these really huge embarrassing hard ons, and he said if I carried a gun on my hip no one would notice, seems to work." My wife turned bright red, put her hand over her face and shook her head. The assistant manager almost fell on the floor laughing so hard. Never sip rootbeer when you trying to be funny, it burns.. 

I double dog dare you to come up with funnier responses