Dear 'X',
In your recent column, you mentioned that there is no cure for sex offenders, and that there was no form of treatment for them that would prevent them from committing such crimes again. Sir, I be to differ!
Double-ought('00') buckshot has shown fine promise as a therapeutic treatment for all varieties of sex offenders. Once a sex offender is given sufficient buckshot, he now longer has the urge to commit such acts again. Buckshot therapy has many proven advantages, notably its low cost and portability, which allows for treatment anywhere, anytime, in fact, it is so simple that it allows the cure to be swift and immediate. All that is needed is a buckshot dispenser. I recommend the twelve- gauge variety of dispenser, either the pump-type or the double-barrel, it really is no matter. Some people ask about chokes, but if you use enough buckshot, choking shouldn't be necessary.
Not only can buckshot cure a sex offender, but buckshot may in fact prevent sex offenders from committing these acts in the first place. It is a proven fact that in almost all cases, there is a total lack of buckshot in the sex offender when they commit their crimes. Perhaps, just perhaps, if we could but reach these people in time, we could give them the buckshot they need before they commit such acts.
I just thought I'd let you know that there is indeed a ray of hope for sex offenders, and that ray is buckshot!
Sincerely yours, etc.
2 comments:
This letter is absolutely true. Sex offenders, both those that prey on women and those that prey on children, have been found to have a mineral deficiency. The direct application of 180+ grains of lead directly to the brain has been shown to prevent future problems 100% of the time.
Recidivism. I prefer 230 grains, but might be persuaded of the efficacy of 147 or even 115 grains.
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