Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Let us now pile up on Australia

Or at least some of the inhabitants

First time I saw Steve Irwin, aka 'The Crocodile Hunter', I was visiting my parents and they had the Discovery Channel on, and this Aussie-accented idiot was in Arizona pulling rattlesnakes out of their holes and yelling at them. Or the camera. Whichever. After a few minutes of this I looked at my folks and my son and asked "Am I the only one who want one of those snakes to bite him?" The answer was "No", everybody wanted a diamondback to chomp him; maybe that'd tone him down a bit.

Opinion hasn't changed in the time since. And then we had the idiocy of his feeding that croc with his baby in one arm. As my daughter put it, as if the basic idea wasn't bad enough, this idiot wasn't bothering to support the babys' head while dancing around the lizard. At that point she wanted to shoot him in the ass and tell him to knock it off, although I'd recommend aiming a bit higher so he couldn't reproduce again.

What brought this up is that Steve is on a tear, found here. As to little Stevie growing up:
LITTLE STEVE: Look, Mum! A snike!

MUM IRWIN: Don't touch the snike!

LITTLE STEVE: Oi touched the snike!

MUM IRWIN: Don't put the snike down ya pants.

LITTLE STEVE: Oi put the snike down me pants!

MUM IRWIN: Blimey!

LITTLE STEVE: Blimey! The snike bit me todger!

MUM IRWIN: Blimey! Whut'll we DO, Dad?

DAD IRWIN: Blimey! Let's 'ave a new biby. This one's no good. It's got no brines.


MUM IRWIN: Whut'll oi do with it?

DAD IRWIN: Feed a crocodoile while 'oldin' the bleedin' thing under your ahm.

MUM IRWIN: Your 'ead smells like a bleedin' urinal.

DAD IRWIN: Lovely, innit?

To explain the urinal smell, read the whole thing.

And if an Aussie sports team is in Florida, we might chip in for some body armor for Steve after this. Although he could stuff Marv and Maynard in his shirt for padding.

What's the ballistic resistance of cockatoo?

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