...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't
...You have more wives than teeth.
...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
...You've ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round.
...You used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush Sr. to shoot at
a helicopter sent by George Bush Jr.
...You've ever had your camel repossessed.
...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in
...You've ever been asked, "Does this burka make my ass look fat?"
...You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed
...You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than
setting off roadside bombs.
...You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your
...You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon
Thanks to Theo