comes up with some good lines.
Before anyone gets too upset with my proposals and tries to behead me for my remarks on Islam, please remember two things:
1) I am writing this column with a loaded double barrel shotgun to my right and a loaded .357 magnum to my left. If you are a sword-wielding jihadist, please don’t bother. You’ll only annoy me and make me spill my coffee.
There’s nothing more annoying than getting a complaint about my gun collection from a feminist with a tattoo on her lower back. I don’t let anyone irresponsible get near my guns so that no one gets killed. When the feminist lets irresponsible men near her tattoos there’s a better chance that someone’s getting aborted.
...Lobbying Congress for a limit on the number of guns I can own will cause me to retaliate by a) Lobbying Congress for a limit on the number of abortions a woman can have, and b) Lobbying Congress for a limit on the number of tattoos a person can have.
If you want a war, I’ll give you a war.