How Cold Is It?
An annotated thermometer
(If they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 – Miami residents turn on the heat
40 – You can see your breath.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.
35 – Italian cars don’t start.
32 – Water freezes
30 – You plan your vacation to Australia.
Minnesotans put on T-shirts.
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
British cars don’t start.
Your boogers freeze
25 – Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitifully.
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 – You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes.
Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
15 – French cars don’t start.
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in bed with you.
10 – Too cold to ski.
You need jumper cables to get the car running.
05 – You plan your vacation in Houston.
Amercian cars don’t start.
0 - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
Too cold to skate.
-10 – German cars don’t start.
Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 – You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Iowans stick tongues on metal objects.
Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 – Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof.
Japanese cars don’t start.
-25 – Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-30 - You plan a 2 week hot bath.
The Mighty Monongahela freezes.
Swedish cars don’t start.
-40 – Californians disappear.
Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters.
Your car helps you plan your trip south
-50 – Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80 – Hell freezes over
Polar Bears move south.